We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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