I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
