so that wasnt chicken after all
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.