I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
3pm strippers are depressing
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
