Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize