I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
