Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
