When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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