I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
