That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
