You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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