If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
