all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
