Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
