Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
