well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
