He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
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In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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