i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
