couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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