oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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