I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
