i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
