And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
