My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
