I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
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Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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