nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
