the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she was so not down for the gang bang
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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