I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
