Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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