Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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