new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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