I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
