no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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