he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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