The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize