i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
