I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
