I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
