im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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