She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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