take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
