just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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