Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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