omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
