she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
