I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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