"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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