If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
