he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
