I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
