While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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