would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
