I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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