somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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