the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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