what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
