you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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