I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
