what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
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This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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