if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish I could punch you in the face.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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