You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
