i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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