I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
me + whiskey = a bad person
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
