please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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