I heard we made out
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
